I find myself in the most frustrating part of my journey these days. On one hand, I have been blest with a surge of strength and energy as my body seems to be getting ready to resume a style of living that includes walking. On the other hand, I’m stuck awaiting the arrival of my socket, the most important part of a prosthesis.
I have experienced many delays throughout my journey but this one is tough. I know I can walk because I’ve done it using a training socket but I’m still wheelchair bound. I feel like a caged lion especially because it’s not a matter of something I can’t do physically. I’m eager to do things like shopping and going to church but at the same time, I really don’t feel like doing things in the wheelchair because that’s just not who I am anymore.
So how do I try to handle this part of the journey? The answer is with gratefulness. God has been working with me for a long time teaching me what faith really is. As I’ve described in these posts, I’ve experienced convincing miracles but I know now that they really don’t convey God’s deepest message for me. That message is trust which means turning over the management of my life to God. Miracles showed me that God is real and is with me but waiting has taught me how to trust God.
I will certainly walk (that is God’s promise) but it will happen when God says. I know the delay has benefited my growth in faith but it also may well have afforded time for my leg to heal in some way that will prevent a crisis down the road. I also know that the wait has refined my thinking about what I will do when I can walk. Once I looked forward to doing things like going to Golden Corral and eating all sorts of foods my wife wisely forbids. But now I’m focused on lifting the burden of transporting me to dialysis from my family and on doing volunteer work for some organization that matters to me. My discovery has been that waiting is hard but sometimes waiting may be the best possible thing for a person.